Saturday, June 24, 2017

I Don't Think Like A Human

It may be hard to think like a scientist for some but it isn't for me.  "Thinking like a scientist is really hard, even for scientists." It goes on, " But parking your own agenda and staying objective is not the human way."

So I'm not human?

I used to use that song when I would joke on Twitter that I'd fly in my UFO.

I had a hemorrhage, a bleed in my brain.  

"Hemorrhage" sounds so bad. It is a bleed. The word "bleed" doesn't sound as dire. It's easier to spell. I had to look up the other. Why wasn't it just said I had a stroke? Is someone better if they use big words?

I shouldn't be writing this. I shouldn't be thinking. "Thinking like a scientist" is out of the question.

Now I think about stem cells. More specifically, I thought what happened to me is a proposed experiment.

Now that's thinking like a scientist!

I pay attention to different things, now. I'll notice what's not usual, and can be broadsided with the plain and obvious.

I'm still human. My blood is red. I'd say I think like a human, just a different one.

I don't have green acid blood.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Why I Need To Be Made Conscious

I accept my disability no problem, but it messed up my Medicaid. I had to go back in records. What I found.... 

I am not conscious. "Vegetative" was never changed. "Semi" was added later, but it still used the definition for Persistent Vegetative State. "Vegetative" is not conscious. If the person is awake, it is an open-eye coma.

To top things off, I may be brain dead. The term "brain death" was never used. My medical records list my demeanor at one hospital. These are the same criteria for brain death. My records go on since I didn't die. Is it only implied that I was initially brain dead? The original criteria is never refuted.

I receive Medicaid services for a vegetative person, also called a Vegetable. In California these services are called Medi-Cal. The services I receive are very basic medical services. I get less than others with Medi-Cal. Therapy is not included. Messing up my Medicaid back then when I had a brain bleed meant messing me up now to every day that will come until that Medicaid is fixed. I've gotten no rehab. Any future therapy I will need is already denied.

A question was asked about trading your eyesight for an IQ increase, IQ Increase Question. "So maybe the first thing I will think of, will be to actually use my brain to restore my eyesight." I've done eyesight well enough to see my room. Lets Make a Deal recounts my eyesight recovery. The essay discusses eyesight rewiring.

I have other issues that I have applied my knowledge to. About two years ago, the GI Specialist for my g-tube commented that he just wanted to remove my feeding tube. It was getting infections at an extreme rate. I talk now. This would lead a person to believe I didn't need it. 

The problem is, though, I talk without swallowing. I never got Speech Therapy, or this would have been worked with along the way. Now you see me sucking on lollipops. I'll learn to swallow like the children with oral aversion I had long ago worked with as an Infant Development Specialist.

I do not get Speech Therapy. I am never to get Speech to teach me how to swallow. Just when I thought I had my speech up to a passing level, I find I have one more thing to do.

Walking is another big issue. People can see the wheelchair. I have posted pictures of me standing. Like Speech, I do not get Physical Therapy (PT). I taught myself to push to a stand. I figured if I could only get my body to be like the toddlers I used to work with then  PT would step in. Therapists want to now. They see something they can work with. Insurance, or lack of, prevents them.

 I stood long enough for the photo.

First off, I am not designated "conscious" on government paperwork. Unconscious people don't get therapy. Second, Medicare does not provide on-going therapy. I think it something short like 30-days a doctor can put a referral in for. The therapist can then request an extension. I've done this. It's too short of time to learn walking. This is one more issue for me to work on alone.

Fine motor skills are good enough for a pass. You can read this, can't you? I'm using only one finger, but that is all that is needed. An Occupational Therapist (OT) will tell you I need more, but they are used to funding being cut.

Obviously my cognition is off the charts or I wouldn't be writing this.


Services for this population are piss-poor in this country. There is an underlying discrimination of disability. This probably affects that.

I am not conscious. Again, this is probably due to discrimination. I have a brain injury that makes me a "retard." I may be a smart "retard" but I am an unconscious one. That makes you better than me.

Since I cannot get consciousness any other way, I ask for a Presidential Pardon, Being made conscious will improve the quality of services I receive.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Back To Life


Some brain injury can cause brain death. "The idea is to inject the patient’s own stem cells into the spinal cord to stimulate the growth of neurons."

That's what I think happened to me...or some variation, probably caused by gravity, or some medical procedure.
Originally, I thought I may have spinal stem cells, caused by the bleed. I was told that the blood from the bleed "ran down your neck." What major bone is in the neck? The spinal cord is there. I figured I gave myself a spinal tap with the bleed.

This study is controversial because they want to do it on brain dead patients. You can't get consent from a dead person.

Why is this man so happy? Why is he singing to me? He read my records from the first hospital that treated me. They don't outright say that I am brain dead, but rather list the criteria. That's a good thing for me because I would have one heck of a time trying to get that monkey off my back.

So, if I am brain dead, or significantly damaged, how am I doing this?


There is also another issue to consider... whatever happened, "released my inner genius." My knowledge has increased as brain injury symptoms have decreased. Would this procedure universally unlock genius?


Friday, June 9, 2017

The Medicaid Shuffle Part 2

Part 1 is at I wrote it a while ago.
Now I live in my own home. I got back custody of my kids and finished raising them. I sometimes talk on the phone and I pay my bills. I can mostly dress myself and depend on someone to hook up my feeding tube, place me in a wheel chair, and do routine household chores. I'm still unconscious and the state retains the right to place me in a nursing home.

I speak well enough to ask for a court order before that happens. Umm...I speak. People will be doing a double-take. I was placed in hospital care and forgotten about. I left the hospital and have been hiding out in my own home since 2006.

A big reason for leaving is what I call the "Medicaid Shuffle." When my after-stroke ordeal started, I had already been in two hospitals, the trauma center where I had the first surgery, and the rehab hospital. The trauma center records are the ones that can be interpreted as saying I am brain dead. I've read them, though, and they don't use that specific term. It does have a medical term that can mean that in some circles. I looked brain dead at that time, and that's probably how they were interpreted.

Eventually the private insurance ran out. The hospital I was at moved me to a Medicaid bed. (The bed was actually called that!) I waited in that bed until I was moved out of that hospital. Initially I was sent to a care home that wasn't near family. That place sent me to another home a few months later. I was at the second home a few months and then ended up back in the hospital I started in. I call this moving the "Medicaid Shuffle."

That's how the "shuffle" started. That's three placements right there.

I had pneumonia. The hospital that sent me to that nursing home fixed me up again and sent me to a long-term sub-acute hospital near Oakland (like across the street). I could look to the end of the block, and across the street was Oakland.

I ended up in another hospital a few weeks later with pneumonia and dehydration. I had to give a taped interview to a state investigator.

I don't count Stanford in the Medicaid Shuffle, but it was part of my journey.
July-Aug 2004 Surgery(s) at Stanford University Hospital. I stayed there a few days, but this is omitted from records because it's not government. They removed the AVM in my head that was to kill me. With this gone, of course I'm alive. The government omits it, so now it's a miracle that I'm still alive.

While having a procedure at Stanford, I was moved. The last hospital I went to was for over a year. When the unit I was in was closing, I didn't want to move yet again. I contacted a family member. I'm now in private residence. That original family member hasn't provided care since 2006. I rely on a local program and a daughter who is now 'old enough.' My father and nephew are next door if needed.

That was the "Medicaid Shuffle." I wanted to change their slogan to, "If the condition doesn't kill you, we'll move you around and make you die."


Monday, June 5, 2017

Sparking The Imagination

I got a sick feeling when I wrote "I Re-Set My Clock,"

I was thinking that the way I believe neurogenesis was started may have possibly set up a never-ending cycle. I'm re-reading the primer on stem cells put out by NIH. It's been updated. It now appears that I may have iPSC cells. "Induced pluripotent stem cells (iPSCs) are adult cells that have been genetically reprogrammed to an embryonic stem cell–like state by being forced to express genes and factors important for maintaining the defining properties of embryonic stem cells. Although these cells meet the defining criteria for pluripotent stem cells, it is not known if iPSCs and embryonic stem cells differ in clinically significant ways."  These are very much stem cell-like.

Originally, I thought I may have spinal stem cells, caused by the bleed. I was told that the blood from the bleed "ran down your neck." What major bone is in the neck? The spinal cord is there. I figured I gave myself a spinal tap with the bleed.

What kind of cells are responsible for my neural repair? Are new stem cells periodically generated? If the answer to this one is "yes" then there is the possibility of being immortal. There would be neural repair forever.

If I have iPSC stem cells, will they return to the state they were before? I liked this one theory, iPSCs were originally embryonic stem cells that went dormant.

This means my recovery is all due to the NDE. Miracle recovery, yes, but how do you turn those genes off? There's still a possibility of immortality. I've never heard of someone living forever before, so this is lacking.

I'll stick with 110 years old, That's just theory! It's not a given fact that I'll live to that age. The theory has more substance than my being immortal. This idea can spark imagination, though. I wouldn't mind sci-fi stories.

I'm gonna live forever. Baby remember my name.

Saturday, June 3, 2017

You Missed It

The real miracle happened years ago. What is amazing now is just my natural brain growth. I'm used to the dropped jaw and wide eyes. I was a top-scoring poindexter, but I had friends. I was like other kids, but very smart. When high school came along, I dropped out...but started college. (I passed a test.) I wasn't really the typical kid. I looked like one, but I was extremely smart.


If I had been properly diagnosed in the first place, I wouldn't now be explaining this to you. I don't see fault with the person who gave me the diagnosis. Rather it's the system. If consciousness was put on a sliding scale this error never would have happened. (I would have been 0 at that time. Now I would be 10. You missed 1-9.) I would have slid from 0-10, much like turning up the volume on your stereo. My consciousness now screams at you. I was diagnosed before it was a whisper.

I go on...there was a miracle. My AVM (arteriovenus malformation) is gone and I am alive. I used to joke that my AVM was in a jar at Stanford. A biologist pointed out that it can't be because it is not tissue. An AVM is mostly all blood. It is a tangle of blood vessels with no capillaries. The pressure can cause a blood vessel to swell. I had a blood balloon in my head that leaked and got me in this predicament.

When it "leaked", most people would have died. It wasn't a small leak. It was a full-on, major brain bleed for me. The AVM only got smaller and retained all its properties. Bleeding was stopped and it was left there. It could still do its job.

A surgeon at Stanford University Hospital thought he could do differently.

This gives you an idea. This following video is after my surgery. My initial procedures were also one day. The woman in this video had her  procedure done in one day. The initial embolizations I received were done as out-patient procedures.

I would have a few of these procedures to shrink my AVM to a manageable size. The AVM could then be surgically removed in a typical craniotomy. So that is what I did.

It came with risks. I had to sign my life away. For all I know, the machine in that video was tested on me. I doubt it, though. Like I said, my case was a predecessor. It happened BEFORE. "Cyberknife" did not exist, yet. The video states this is the latest model of that video's time. Mine would have been more crude, but sci-fi none the less.

The government wanted nothing to do with this procedure. I had to be seen through the clinic as an indigent in need. When I went to Stanford for the final craniotomy I was a resident at one facility, and when I woke I was a resident at another facility. Medicaid actually transferred me during a procedure.

The surgery has been successful. I am still alive. This is the miracle.

So, ask the government to explain why I am alive. They are not responsible and should take no credit for that. Ask them what happened to my AVM. I'll say it's at Stanford.

What you see happening now is  my normal brain growth. That has stunned people before. I got used to that way back as a child. You need to get used to that, also.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

People Change

I think scientists around the world have been worried about people being conscious in a body that is not. A few years ago there was this,
A man in Canada could appropriately give yes/no responses by thought when in an fMRI.

This article, and others I have seen, do not suggest this is a form of severe Locked-In Syndrome. I see it as such. "Locked-in syndrome is a rare neurological disorder in which there is complete paralysis of all voluntary muscles" This goes on to read "except for the eyes" and that communication is performed in this manner. I take it one step further. The eye muscles are involved and only brain responses can be given.

This brings back worries of walled-in alive disease, "maladie de l’emmure vivant” in French.

A way to communicate with those "Locked-In" is looked for. A computer/brain interface is being worked on. It is not all-the-way there yet, but I say it is very close. How do I know it is close? I've told people to watch the toys. There are now mind-controlled toys offered to the public.

Mindflex Duel Game

The technology is first put to use in toys. Bugs can be worked out here. As people become used to the technology, it can be applied to more serious issues.

When we have a commercial communication device accessible to the public for communicating by thought, then we will be there. Until then, we'll access mediums and psychics.

What probably happened in my case was I was like this man above who's in Canada. I had thoughts in my head that I couldn't get out of my broken body. I also must have had a secondary condition like savant syndrome, where there is great plasticity and memory. (That disorder happens to be one I know about. Others will have to determine if I have something like this.) It is because of the plasticity that I have that I shortly begin to blink my eyes in response to questions. I did not initially blink for doctors. I did later for family. (I always used family report as a professional because of this. I also worked with babies. They were non-verbal. If a skill is emerging, the family or primary caregivers usually see it first. The skill may not be emerging to them, but a given fact. It is emerging, though, because the skill hasn't been generalized to other people, yet.)

People at Santa Clara Valley Medical (where I was) got suspicious. If family had made up the 'eye blinking thing,' then they were acting on it? Many times the family did not know why they were asked to do a certain thing or say/read specific wording to certain people. That all came from me; that's why. The family wouldn't know. I would. It was soon understood by medical staff that I was using family to communicate.

I lost my private insurance and became full government. At that time, there was a cap on my insurance of how much payment of services a person could receive. I reached that amount. A helicopter ride, brain surgery, and months of hospitalization aren't cheap.

I probably had a secondary condition (I'm going to say it because it won't make sense if I don't, savant syndrome.) I say savant syndrome because of a high amount of plasticity and a high memory. I came out of the coma due to high plasticity. Plasticity is what was working while I was in coma. It would have to be completely biological. No thought processes were involved.

Years pass. I can do most rehab because I remember previous training and education. Savant syndrome has huge memory. I remember techniques n exercises. I have degrees in Psychology and Special Education. I specifically studied Early Intervention. I ran an Early Intervention program for  children ages 0 - 5, who were neurologically impaired or high risk of neurological impairment. My own neurological event happened a few months after I had left that program. It is odd, but I know everything to be done for what happened to me.

Now I am here. My body is mostly disabled, but my mind.... I can't even describe that. I changed over the last 15 years. It wasn't sudden. There's no boom, it's a miracle. I remember reading some time ago that minor changes should be tracked,  Tracking the recovery of consciousness from coma. We didn't. We are doomed to repeat history, but I may have recorded enough for advancement.

 People do change...some at
different rates.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

My Philosophy On Observations

I didn't become a musical virtuoso over-night. I didn't become a mathematician. No, instead you are getting some weird kind of philosophy/observation that I witness and then write about.

I can barely move. I'm not going to play an instrument. I might again some day. I used to. That's all part of my past. I leave that there.

I'll do math relevant to my situation. If a caregiver needs help with a time sheet, I'll help. If an essay deals with the statistic 1 in 1400 and the emergence of great skill, I am going to discuss it.

Maybe I'm doing observation and deduction. I then write it all down.

Way back as an undergrad student, I remember I had to go to the zoo for an anthropology class. The instructor had us observe the monkeys and write down our observations. The video is the actual zoo.

I'm doing that now, but people are the monkeys. I just notice behavior.


The European Union clicked a blog,

From the picture, I could only tell "Europe." Great! A whole continent was looking at my blog! I looked up the flag. It was the European Union. I'm not very political. I have only heard the name before. I looked them up. "The European Union (EU) is a political and economic union of 28 member states that are located primarily in Europe. "
They started the Euro, the common currency. They wouldn't be making a mistake when they decide to look for me.

I was thinking what do they want from me? I remembered Europe also has a brain project.
America also has one.

I'm sorry that Europe is stumbling on me first. America is still determining me to be unconscious. My case should have been given to the NIH (National Institute of Health) long ago. America's problem is the Peter Principle.

It will eventually work itself out, but much will be lost. In that video, how long did it take NASA to figure out it goofed? Same here. I think I'm hitting private sector researchers, etc. Obviously I hit Europe. This is a round-about way, but it gets the job done. I'm trying to save information.


Sunday, May 7, 2017

Probably Misdiagnosis, but You're Not Dead

So quit complaining! 

I'm not an escaped rat, but some of my treatment has been along these lines. I'm only aware of one study a doctor was doing where all patients were given a cranberry supplement. I didn't see any problem with this, but no notice was given to patients and families for approval. That can be an issue. (I always asked what a medication was and what it was for.)

I digress. After being in coma, ''I opened my eyes weeks later, but didn't talk. I made no reaction whatsoever. Not talking or reacting was taken to be vegetative (an open eye coma). "
It may not have been vegetative state at that time, but Locked-In Syndrome. There are things later that look more like Locked-In Syndrome (LIS).


In 1995, the American Congress of Rehabilitation Medicine defines LIS as a syndrome characterized by preserved awareness, relatively intact cognitive functions, and by the ability to communicate while being paralysed and voiceless (American Congress of Rehabilitation Medicine, 1995). This syndrome is defined by five criteria:
  1. Sustained eyes opening and preserved vertical eye movement
  2. Preserved higher cortical functions
  3. Aphonia or severe hypophonia
  4. Quadriplegia or quadriparesis
  5. Primary mode of communication that uses vertical eye movements or blinking
I did have some movement, so it was incomplete. Some movement will throw a lot of people. Most expect no movement at all.


[There are] three categories of LIS (Bauer et al., 1979).
  • Complete or total LIS: Quadriplegia and anarthria. No eye movement.
  • Classic LIS: Preserved vertical eye movement and blinking.
  • Incomplete LIS: Recovery of some voluntary movements in addition to eye movements. 

I remember using the shaking 'T', a sign in American Sign Language (ASL) for toilet, to ask for the bedpan. I had some movement in my left hand. I would finger spell in ASL. (Mind you I never had a class, but I knew it.) Nurses reacted. When I had private insurance I think doctors had suspicions of LIS. I heard a therapist mention my bleed was near my pons. (A pontine bleed is associated with LIS.)

When I switched to government insurance only, attitude changed. Before the change
I requested for a diaper. Bed pans were a luxury. I would not get immediate attention. I wasn't in a place in skill to just 'hold it.'

As I got more movement in my left hand, an Occupational Therapist in Southern California, set up computer accessibility for me. Medicaid shuffled me around some more (different hospitals). The hospital I was last at was a long time for me. I was there over a year. I was using my Mother's laptop for browsing and watching movies. A music therapist got me to do my first e-mail.

You can see the laptop computer.
That place was closing. I still had medical issues, but I felt as  if I could manage them (provide my own medical care- That sounds crazy!). I made the move for home placement.


You can see the problem has been communication, not consciousness. This opens the door for a lot of legal problems. Why am I still unconscious? I'm published now.

A doctor refers to what I endured as the "THE WALLED IN ALIVE DISEASE! (French term for locked-in syndrome)." Locked-In Syndrome is what was earlier suspected!


You are looking at misdiagnosis. This gets more complicated as there is no malpractice lawsuit. The government won't admit to wrong-doing. 'What are they supposed to do with me now?' is the question. I'm still unconscious according to them. They may investigate. An independent lab or university may investigate. Either way, my consciousness remains to be an issue. 

We have to wait. This can be a long time or someone can step up. If current attitude puts my consciousness as low priority, it will continue as such. The government reflects the attitude of it's people in a democratic society. 

There is a tool for the average person:  PETITION. Universities or independent organizations may contact me. The federal government has refused to do Medicaid Waiver and may have written themselves out of the picture. I'm not sure if they will do anything at all...or if they even can- I am not in a facility and I have a private insurance policy as of this date (political policy may affect this).

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

An Extreme Hatred of Infomercials

When I couldn't move, I hated it when the TV was left on a show and it ended and an infomercial was then on for a couple hours. I did not need an acne face wash. (An acne facewash infomercial was repeated at that time.)

I dislike infomercials. Can't say I hate them with a passion. I definitely won't watch one of my own free will.

Unlike the above, "That hatred was part of what triggered him to start regaining control of his mind and body." My dislike of infomercials did not trigger this. I think "anger" did play a part, though. It was a great motivator.

Reading the above did not hit me like watching one of the news videos on this person. 

Yes, I agree with him. I supposed if I take these essays and put them to an audio program, they will have a voice. You won't even have to read.

He doesn't appear as having an extreme hatred of Barney. Instead, he sounds intelligent and dedicated. Maybe my situation will be changed to an extreme hatred of infomercials. That's not what caused the turn around, though. That turn-around is from hard work; hard work from an intelligent, dedicated person.

I do speak, somewhat, now.

I ended up doing the above in two parts:  me speaking in a video, and a written piece of what I am saying and what I wanted to say. It was to be total video but half-way through reading, my voice got high pitched. My daughter called from the other room that it sounded like I was crying.

I ended up doing part video and part written. Speech is something I continue to work on. I do this by myself. I taught myself to speak. I don't get any therapy.

Sunday, April 30, 2017


UPDATE 5/7/2017

All names have been removed.

It really was serious. I wasn't in a coma from surgery. No,  surgery was done at the third place I was taken. I was already in a coma.
First, I went to the local clinic, from my office. I never went home like the above report says. I stopped breathing there. I assume they intubated me and put me on a respirator then an ambulance. A helicopter couldn't land. It was snowing.
Second, The ambulance took me down the mountains to a hospital. That place saw that I wasn't breathing. They didn't admit me and immediately put me on a helicopter to a trauma center.
Third, I had emergency brain surgery at the trauma center. There was no time for a scan. The AVM in my head was eyeballed (This was a tangle of blood vessels forming a blood clot or so-called tumor, but it was not tissue). It was leaking and had not ruptured. It looked like I would die. They only stopped the bleeding. (Stanford later removed the AVM in more surgery. click for more info)
As a professional, I'd say this was a good practice opportunity. I guess the doctors did, too. My heart did stop according to reports (but I was still artificially ventilated).

They finished and restarted my heart.
I was left in a coma, never to wake again. What you see here is astonishing.