Sunday, October 16, 2016

Disabled or Idiot?

This is what they get for not updating their records- a bright person in a supposedly unconscious body. Initial indicators pointed at permanent unconsciousness, but when did people gain the ability to see the future? It didn't go that way, though. I didn't fall into expectations. I'm not unconscious. Now I write this and it is ignored. "La, la,la, I can't hear you" is how I'm treated. Maybe they think I'll go away.

I did not get this way over-night. Much information has already been lost in the treatment and recovery of brain injury. I propose there are other less fortunate recoveries. For starters, there is an entire category called "semi-vegetative." One of which I am part of. This category starts as unconscious, but then starts to show signs of consciousness. I'd like to know when I am unconscious now. Is it when I am sleeping? If that is the case then I am permanently semi-vegetative. I would say some of the other people I have seen have returned to consciousness with cognitive damage (it appears to be severe). 

Those who were multiple language speakers need to be tested in their primary language. I remember a girl who reported her father did speak, but only to family from Thailand. He forgot English.

It has already been warned that a person can return to consciousness.
Severe brain damage represents an immense medical, social, and economic problem that warrants further research. Chronically unconscious or minimally conscious patients present unique problems for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, and everyday management. Theyre vulnerable to being denied potentially life-saving therapy if clinical research remains solely focused on the acute stage of the disease.

So people deserve it. They had already been warned.

This is probably what happened to me, "Their quantification of white matter reorganization shows long-distance rewiring in posterior medial cortices, possibly reflecting axonal sprouting or neurite outgrowth, maybe even related to neurogenesis (known to occur primarily in associative cortices in normal primates)."

I have this written elsewhere and it is much simpler,
"The nerve fibers from the cells were severed, but the cells themselves remained intact." Nerve cells that have not died can form new connections." 

I have been writing on-line for folks who have brain injuries, disorders, or are just interested. I have some background in the area and a brain injury of my own. I've taught (last was a lecture in 2002 on Special Needs Children). Writing this stuff on the brain comes natural. 

In my case, those tiny "nerve fibers" seen in the study of the man who was in a coma nearly 20 years would have hooked up to my cognition areas. If you knew me before, then you are not surprised by me writing this. My old cognition areas were known to be quite high. (High enough to attract a school psychologist when I was 9.)

The brain is more than cognition. It is also motor skills. Gee, I don't walk and I typed all of this with my left index finger. I'd say there is brain damage to the motor areas of my brain. There is nothing wrong with my thinking.

Brain damage makes me disabled. It does not make me an idiot.

They can't nod because there are no motor skills.

Friday, September 30, 2016

Building a Mystery

I'm not bad off anymore, contrary to what some say. Yes, my voice is crappy, but I have a voice. Yes, I'm in a wheel chair, but a few years ago I stood up. I thought my aunt was going to have a heart attack right then and there. I stand up and sit back down all the time now because my butt does get uncomfortable. 

I was looking at a message. Right after it was a picture of a woman. 

I forgot Lee Woodruff messaged me. Most people would know her husband. He had a brain injury. He is not the same since. I have video of him that follows.

I checked my notices. The last two followers were the daughter of a famous doctor and a famous parapsychologist. This wouldn't be typical for most people. My situation isn't typical. I'll say to people should I call a lawyer or a priest?

Most focus on the wrongs. There have been wrongs and I am probably sitting on a good lawsuit. Look at the other side, though. Why am I here? I'm calling neither a lawyer or a priest. 

I'm calling a scientist. I want to figure out what is going on. There's nothing legal or mystical about that.


I seem to be following the pattern of having an NDE (near death experience) followed by miracle healing. I remember arguing with the researcher who told me I had an NDE. I didn't remember any.  (Click for a better view.)

Take a different point of view, though. You can't see things as me or any medical professional interacting with me. INTERACTING, that's the key word. I shouldn't be and I am. It puts me in the paranormal boat and now I have doctors, parapsychologists, and scientists looking at me.
The healing is very slow. It's slow enough to be studied. 

Saturday, September 24, 2016


Where in the brain is memory located?

Memory is everywhere.
Each brain cell has memory. We call this cell memory. Put enough of these cells together and you get large organism memories. It's like a jigsaw puzzle and each cell is a piece. The puzzle only makes sense once it is all put together.

Memory is our whole brain.

(This is just a theory.)

NOTE 9/28/2016

Cellular memory is controversial. I propose only brain tissue cells, unlike the following which includes other organs.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

I Bear No Burden

   A few times now, the subject of a lawyer has been brought up...

   It's not my job to find somebody, but for somebody to find me. I'm the one who got out of live captivity. That is what I call it.

   I had to listen to the girl in the bed next to me cry herself to sleep not because she couldn't talk or move, but because her mother visited (after 3 months of no visits). Hey, we were unconscious so this was common. Another time I had to sleep next to a dead patient because the family couldn't get there until the next day. I wasn't aware of my surroundings they said.
  I have done enough just to get out of that environment. I don't now need to find a lawyer. The problem needs to be fixed so it doesn't happen in the future. Consider it a test-run.
   I can medically take care of myself and I fall under 'medically fragile'. I don't need hospital care. (Red flag to some.) I say "So what?" and "I don't care" to the fact that I was once flat-out, dead-to-the-world, looked like I was asleep, eyes-closed coma. If people want to find me, then fine. It's on them, not me. I shouldn't have to bear the burden of proof. If anything, I should charge $1 at my door for people to see me.
   If somebody wants to take the initiative for a lawsuit, then fine. I ask though, where is the wrong? Who do I sue? I just want consciousness. I did a petition like a common criminal wanting a pardon. The burden falls on others. I just officially asked a question.

I'd charge a $1 entrance fee to my house...

Saturday, August 27, 2016


Anne-Marie LaMonde wrote the following about me. I'll try to address some of it.
Permit me to say that to get to know Angela requires a bit of sleuthing (since Angela's thoughts are parsimonious albeit incisive since she only types with one finger).
Angela suffered a massive brain bleed that put her in a coma, followed by "Locked-in syndrome." She has been listed as PVS (Pervasive Vegetative State) or Semi-PVS (since even the bureaucracies are cognizant that they are not communicating with a "vegetable"), she continues her quest to have individuals pay attention to the following:
(1) the pernicious manner that the law chooses to define PVS and the horrific unfolding of a court decision that arose around making that definition a matter of life and death.
(2) the fact that her profession prior to experiencing a brain bleed/stroke gave her knowledge that was significant for her to make a recovery
(3) the "Thoughtful Vegetable" is tongue-in-cheek and informative for those of us who want to understand the brain insofar as plasticity and neuro-regeneration is concerned.
(4) she performed her own rehabilitation because the State wrote her off as a vegetable
(5) she is a savant (a condition that can occur after a brain injury) that only gifted neurologists who know her well have been able to recognize (save for those of us who converse with her often)
From my perspective, Angela is a great source of information. She's funny, smart, blunt, and has a wealth of knowledge you and I could only dream of having...she's someone to pay attention to and I would dearly love to be able to help her directly. But so far...I am just a schlepp who is gaining a lot of insight from her. Thank you Angela <3
Keep fighting!

First the word "parsimonious."
I am very short and to-the-point. Anne knows I'm this way in print because I am typing this all out with one finger. My voice isn't always clear and consistent. Dictation is out. I'm left with using this one finger. It gets tired.

Some said I was in Locked-In Syndrome way back when this started. Many now say I had to have been. Sounds like misdiagnosis to me. Funny, what's on paper is the same. Nothing there has changed.

I don't think PVS, or just Vegetative State, is a disorder of consciousness at all. That definition makes everyone working in this field a magician. There will be horrific cases like the one Anne stated above (the Terri Schiavo case). It is a neurobiological disorder. It is remedied when there is rewiring. Wiring may not exist and there are problems. PVS is a problem of biology and solved with science. Make it esoteric, like it is now, and you get witch hunts where innocent people are put to death.

"Tongue-in-cheek" brings the following essay to mind,
No one would ever think to put that example with that term. (I have since learned there is another person who plays guitar with his feet. Now there are two people.) The things I come up with are off the wall, but pertinent.

Last, Savant Syndrome is not proven. I'm "not conscious" so how can that be? I'm only talking and writing after a brain injury when I shouldn't. It "demonstrates profound and prodigious capacities or abilities far in excess of what would be considered normal."

There are a few other things, but you be the judge. In that last video, where did I learn sign language? I said there were other things.

That looks like American Sign Language and NOT the reflexive hand movements it was said I was doing.

How do I make videos? Where did I learn how? Where did I learn sign language? How do I speak?

Monday, August 22, 2016

My Mission: A Mission Statement+

I search for consciousness. Where do I start? You see I don't have mine.

Long ago I was in a coma. When I opened my eyes. I was out of it. I was out of it for years. My conscious was taken away on paper.

The paper saying my conscious was gone has become as permanent as your Social Security card. It's something permanent given by the government - society-at-large. I am asked what document needs changing. Well it must be a government form. I can only refer you to government.

My mission is to find my consciousness and have it reflected by society.

*Comatose patients do not get therapy. I am in an open-eye coma. I am not conscious. I do not receive therapy.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

I Need A Strong Swallow

I have a feeding tube. You have to feed people in comas some way. I give you the following video not to gross you out, but show you how it can be done. I have the permanent g-tube that goes in the belly. A hole was surgically cut in my stomach. The following video shows the nose. I have only seen the nose used in hospitals. A hole is cut in the stomach for longer use. This diet is short-term.

Yes, I am on a g-tube diet. I have acid reflux, though. I have to use a formula that tastes good. The reflux will sometimes regurgitate formula into my mouth. I use Ensure. It's the same kind you buy at the store.

What was thought to be permanent in me is turning out not to be permanent at all. I talk now.

Talking has been slow to come. That could be because I do not receive therapy. I only have general knowledge in this area.

This is where it gets sticky, the g-tube is prone to infection. There have been serious, life-threatening infections.

I do have a weak swallow now. The g-tube doctor wants me in speech in order to make my swallow stronger. Then I could regularly take Ensure by mouth. The g-tube wouldn't be needed.

Speech isn't offered to people in comas. Remember at the beginning I said it was thought I'd be permanently incapacitated? "What was thought to be permanent in me is turning out not to be permanent at all." So the coma that was put on paper doesn't really fit anymore.

People take one look at me and say there was misdiagnosis. Well that original diagnosis now impedes me. I can't get speech because I am in a coma on paper. The g-tube doctor can't coordinate with anybody on making my swallow stronger so I can take my food by mouth. In this case, speech becomes medically necessary.


There was a time when there wasn't a swallow. Now there is.

I credit this device for giving me a weak swallow. I had no swallow. (This thing isn't even patented, yet...but I got one.)