Sunday, February 22, 2015

I am permanently unconscious.

I am "permanently" unconscious. It doesn't matter if I now appear to be conscious. The word "Persistent" had come to mean "Permanent" in PVS (Persistent Vegetative State). Once a "vegetable" is always a "vegetable." The word "Persistent"at least had hope.
"Vegetables" only receive daily care, usually in a medical facility. I live on my own. I do not receive that kind of care. I do not receive therapy. I do not receive rehab. I  do not have a neurologist, nor do I receive any neurological care or follow-up. "Vegetables" don't get any of those services.

(PVS not MCS, Minimally Conscious State, in this case. If you were called a "vegetable" at one time you were probably diagnosed as MCS. "Far too often, patients [PVS] ... are given up for gone, left to languish in nursing homes where no one bothers with physical therapy or even to check for glimmers of regained consciousness." I've been able to get out of that situation,

That I talk and write now does not matter. I still have the PVS diagnosis. I have been unconscious for years. I have been writing for years. I couldn't write in the hospital. Time has passed. The diagnosis is "permanent" and therefore sticks. If anything is added, the primary is still there. I am permanently without consciousness.

 -there is no hope.


Monday, February 16, 2015

Getting Better

"Lost in thought?" Two different people asked the same thing on different days, in the span of a week. No, I am not lost in thought. I am "veggin out." Literally.

I believe this is what happened with "vegetative." I've slowly gotten better. (Years ago a doctor at Stanford said "you are getting better." He was describing the remarkable progress I was making in completing daily living skills.) As time went on, I continued "getting better." It was said I was "semi-vegetative" at a few hospitals into my stay.  (That's a couple years after my injury.) I was no longer "vegetative." I went home and medical records ran out. People thought I died. I didn't. I kept slowly getting better.

I live on my own. I do receive outside care. One of my daughters is now employed by that service agency and can personally do the care. She lives with me.

You know, it appears that recovery of skills are slow, but maybe it isn't for me. Maybe the typical person who is vegetative is on the regular track and I'm on a fast track. That means all of this has been fast. Maybe, I am actually attaining new skills fast, not recovering old skills really slow. (The kids I worked with learned new skills. I only know teaching and education. There is no rehab.)

Friday, February 13, 2015

Neuroplasticity on Fire

I first heard the term HYPERPLASTICITY in a podcast. (It follows. It's at 36:06.)

Plasticity sped up? I was fascinated.

The following is mostly hypothetical. The first sentence in this video clip...

"It would be speculation to say...."

"Hyperplasticity relates to neurology by incorporating physical (thermodynamic) law into the study the individual nerve cell cycle to discover how the synaptic communication of an old cell relates that information to the new cell in its place. Encouraging new cell growth in grey material of the brain is the object always." I explained how that, the information transfer, happened, . It was DNA replication that happened in me.

That DNA replication will speed-up in me,  . Neuroplasticity will happen fast. Neuroplasticity will look like it's on fire. It will look like hyper-plasticity.


Friday, January 30, 2015

Cheese & Jelly

I can't believe I found an ad showing grape jelly and cheese. It's an unlikely match. I had a memory, though I had eaten such a thing. Recently, I overheard my mother telling my daughter that her father would eat jelly with cheese. I may have seen him doing this when I was a child. Mystery solved! I didn't eat it. He did. I find the combination unappealing. I already told my children I must have eaten it.

I had another memory that was false, but proved to be useful. I remembered staying at a local motel in my current condition before moving to this town. I had knowledge of motels and handicap rooms that was useful in making a trip. That memory never happened.

I've let a natural process called pruning handle these memories. The second memory had my father's mother in it. She passed away years earlier. There was no way possible that experience ever occurred. There was no logic in it. It wouldn't be reinforced and would "prune" away.

The jelly and cheese sandwich was different. I had no way of proving or disproving the memory...until I heard my mother. Now that memory, too, can be forgotten.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015


After a while like this of course I am different.  Only the first year was spent lying down and blinking my left eye. I gradually got upright and had an electric wheel chair my third year. By then I could say most words, but forget the letter 'R'. I didn't pronounce my 'R's until well out of the hospital.

I still do a lot of that kind of thinking. I will talk a lot to people in my head. It's easier for me. I don't have to take a breath every few words anymore. I probably did that kind of thinking more back then. I still think of what I want to say faster. Right now, though, people understand talking. I have to talk to be understood.

* A friend watched that movie with me It was too real.


Sunday, January 11, 2015

How I Came To Be Unconscious

"We are heavy duty neurobiologists and we have done a study Mr. Searle. We are convinced you are not conscious."  (7:01)

That's what happened to me, but without people. Instead it was a diagnosis. The diagnosis says I am not conscious. 

Give the diagnosis PVS when someone doesn't appear conscious and all is fine. Then they get better....

Well, if someone starts to show consciousness as I did, then make them "semi-vegetative." After that you better hope they die because there is nothing else. (MCS should have been next, not "semi-vegetative.")

"When people do get interested in it [consciousness] they say the most appalling things." (0:48) This is the letter explaining to me I'm in a coma This letter is just an extension of the first error.

PVS can't be "not conscious." Carry it through and see what happens? I am in a coma. Just change the "P" in PVS back to "Persistent". "Persistent" knows no time limit. "Permanent" is forever.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

The Reality of My Situation

Write a book...Make a movie...Sue those responsible for that letter.... Nice thoughts but none of that can legally happen. I'm not conscious and therefore not a legal entity under the law. I covered this, Since money is allowed, I might be able to do the book if I set up a non-profit and have that do a book. That's not easy.

Why not just make me conscious?

All of this you read I assume is imaginary. All I can do is refer you to an outside party,

This is where the current administration stands on the issue, 
Although I am not Right-To-Life, I have the brain injury and the feeding tube. Like her I am PVS. That state was deemed not recoverable. Since I am PVS I cannot be conscious. "This is an example of inaction." I, too, am inaction.

I have found a way to at least get my ideas out. You are reading it.

I am not conserved nor do I have a power of attorney. I am not under a doctor's care. I should have returned to the hospital I was at, but the unit closed. I am able to access a local provider if I am sick. If it's real bad I can call 911.

The internet has been the only way to get my ideas out. The government programs I have been in do not allow me to do this.