Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Lazarus




[The video is dated Jan 7 and he died Jan 10, 2016.]

My Interpretation"His death was no different from his life - a work of Art."
- Tony Visconti, producer for Bowie's final album Blackstar

Bowie is saying goodbye to us in the video for "Lazarus". He appears in a hospital bed, blindfolded with button eyes. It's symbolic of a weakened, end of life condition.
The ghostly girl who comes out of the closet and crawls under the bed is something of a grim reaper. She is death. As she reaches for him, Bowie levitates in the bed... possibly delaying her touch momentarily. He still has some fight in him.
The levitation might also symbolize entering a state in between life to beyond.
We next seen him free of bandages, up and on his feet, looking a little better and bright eyed. He's reviewing memories and important moments from his life. He does a silly little dance and smiles. It was good.
He sits and begins writing a note or letter... or the script for this video. Knowing death is near, he ponders... and then composes his last work. We see the little reaper girl occasionally, apparently allowing him some time to wrap things up... but looking impatient. Once finished with his final composition, he stands and slowly but knowingly, retreats backwards and steps into the closet from which death entered... and closes the door. It's over.  http://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107859518979/

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The dog is named Lazarus. It was revived after being put down.




"As he explained in his article, the reanimation process had four essential steps:   first, remove or neutralize the agent causing death, second, conduct artificial respiration,  third, restart the heart, and fourth, nurse the patient back to health." http://drvitelli.typepad.com/providentia/2017/04/the-man-who-raised-the-dead.html 

That very process happened with me, except artificial respiration was started hours before surgery when I stopped breathing.


______________________________________
 
When I opened my eyes after a coma, my mother used the name Lazarus to describe my situation.
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The Origin of the Name

Not much is needed to be known about Lazarus of Bethany other than Jesus raised him from the dead four days after he died. It was the last miracle Jesus performed before his own rite of passage.




Sunday, April 23, 2017

First Hair Wash




I was browsing through the Amazon merchandise. They are an on-line retailer, and I have been able to find a lot of unusual merchandise with them. Somehow I ended up in the personal care area.

I saw the above pictured shower cap. All of a sudden I was flooded with memories (Most memories were of a staple, as  in the kind in a staple gun. I will get to that.)

I copied the address of the page and sent it to my mother. I'd let that picture jar her memory also. 

About a week later a small box arrived. I wasn't expecting anything. My daughter opened it. Inside was the shower cap. I laughed hysterically.

My daughter didn't know the story. I filled her in.

I had brain surgery. I was in a coma (closed eyes) for five weeks.  I transferred hospitals, somewhere around the time of opening my eyes. I only recalled pieces of it. I couldn't talk. I'd communicate with my mother by blinking yes/no to letters in the alphabet to her. I communicated WASH-HAIR.

It had been two months since I washed my hair. That was the least of anyone's worries. Everyone was afraid to touch my head.

"Of course," said my daughter. "You still twitch." When she touches the back of my head, my leg moves. A few years ago it kicked when my hair was brushed. Now it twitches. It's slowly calming down.

Those shower caps are amazing. You put it on the head and make sure all hair is in it. Massage the hair through the cap. Remove the cap and towel dry. The hair is washed.

In doing this, just putting it on, my mother found a staple. It was in my head! (Here's the staple memory.) So that was something left over from the original surgery at the trauma center. It was removed, later, but imagine the initial shock. 





Thursday, April 20, 2017

Now I Am Dead


I have been trying to get the Medicaid Waiver for Brain Injury in California, http://thoughtfulveg.blogspot.com/2017/03/brain-injury-medicaid-waiver-in.html

I have met up with barriers and obstacles. This Medicaid Waiver is something new. I have previously used a Medicaid Waiver for developmentally disabled persons on my caseload when I did this kind of work elsewhere. This would fit other disabilities, and the person would have to be institution eligible.

From what I can tell, one form is 12 pages long. The Plan of Treatment form appears to be twelve pages long. When I click on this, it says it is on page 1 of 12. (I think this would cause the worker to die, not me.)

It has taken a few messages just to get through to these people.

I warn u if u call, u may not understand me. My speech is difficult to understand at times.
I have an unusual case. I should be in a hospital now, but have the intelligence of a doctor. I am not. I also have the intelligence of a financial officer; hence contacting u. I have a Share of Cost cuz my last employment put me in a higher tax bracket. I say just Medicaid Waiver me. I'll become a household of 1 with $0 income.

This is EXTREMELY special circumstance. My diagnosis says I am vegetative, but I now talk a little n obviously type with 1 finger. Knowledge is extreme. I will be cc-ing this e-mail.

 -Angela
CC-ing is just what I have done. Others can see the lunacy.

There was a Share of Cost on my Medicaid which my father cleared up, but the way in which it was done only puts a band-aid over a serious problem. They were closing the case since the immediate Share of Cost issue was cleared. I wrote to them:
Share of Cost or not, I should still be made Medicaid Waiver. Doesn't it amaze u that u are e-mailed by a brain dead patient? There was Share of Cost 2wks ago, but my father went ahead n purchased the extra policy. He dies n we have this problem again.
 -Angela

It sounds clear doesn't it? Well, now I am dead.

Thank you for contacting the Ombudsman Office.  The Medi-Cal is still active without a share of cost.  Since the member is deceased, please, contact your local Medi-Cal county office to inform them so they can deactivate his Medi-Cal eligibility at 209-385-3000. If you choose to do it by mail, please, visit our website and print out an MC-215 and submit it to the county office.   You can find the form at www.dhcs.ca.gov by typing in MC-215 in the search box on the upper right hand corner….
 
Thank you,

Medi-Cal is Medicaid in California. 

I'm laughing too much to respond. What's wrong with these people?

*This is not for everyone! Remember I said I had to be certified as hospital material? "Medicaid Waiver programs help provide services to people who would otherwise be in an institution, nursing home, or hospital to receive long-term care in the community." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medicaid_waiver




 

Friday, April 14, 2017

I'll Be OK


Some people are taking my "unconsciousness" to be some big government conspiracy. That is not the case.

From a social network...
Angela Ronson- Umm...I was unfit. It didn't stick. I got better. What ur reading is typed with 1 finger. This would be from my hospital bed, but I left. (I can already do 24hr doctor care.) Ur not looking at some govt plan to disable ppl. This is more along the lines of miracle healing - like Anita Moorjani.

You will need to know more about this woman. 



I am now on the slowly getting better track. Slow is very slow.

My injury was in 2002. I didn't get something in a magazine until 2009. I couldn't even type for the first four years after my injury. I was in various hospitals. My address was the hospital mailing address. I was institutionalized alright. I was living in a medical institution, but it is never stated like that.

That may not be enough for some. I'll go with physical deformity. I had a contracture of my ankle. That is gone. My foot inverted and froze. My ankle turned in and up like a sprain. That foot isn't all the way back to pre-bleed status. It is still improving.


It's not a common problem, but it has occurred. This is most often called club foot.

The foot flexes and I now wear a brace. It had formed a bump where it turned. That bump is now gone,

If that's not enough, I used to have subluxed shoulders. I guess this can occur in an arm affected by a stroke. I had it in both arms. I couldn't use either arm. I've included a picture of a person with just one shoulder affected so you can see how dramatic this is. You can't see it if it is covered by clothing.

One shoulder has subluxation.


The arm issue is completely resolved.The feet are not. My left foot appears okay. My right foot is flat, but still drastically turns in. My body continues to make minor changes.The changes are so minor that photographs taken quite a few months apart have to be used to see the difference.

Go back to the video of Moorjani. Medicine does not prescribe to a person saying, "I'll be okay." I could say that, if it was faster. There's too much time between minor changes to make that call, but I do believe my outcome will be favorable.




Sunday, April 9, 2017

The Brain Can Survive Death



This is Dr Sam Parnia. "Sam Parnia is a British Assistant professor of Medicine at the Stony Brook University School of Medicine where he also is director of research into cardiopulmonary resuscitation, and he is director of the Human Consciousness Project at the University of Southampton. Parnia is known for his work on near-death experiences and cardiopulmonary resuscitation."  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Parnia He is a physician mostly dealing with the NDE and heart attacks. Some have asked who he is.

Now with my injury, my brain was obviously shut down more than five minutes as stated in the video. I stopped breathing hours before any surgery. I lost consciousness then. I assume I was intubated. I don't remember a long ambulance ride and a helicopter ride. I had surgery to stop bleeding inside my head. All that was known at that time was that I earlier had a car accident. During surgery, my heart stopped. During that surgery, doctors saw the AVM (tangle of blood vessels in my head). It was the cause of bleeding.

I opened my eyes weeks later, but didn't talk. I made no reaction whatsoever. Not talking or reacting was taken to be vegetative (an open eye coma).

I was very "Near Death." It appears in records that I actually crossed that threshold. I was dead, or was I? 

I was mostly dead.

Modern medicine restarted my heart. I still couldn't breathe on my own. A tracheostomy tube was put in. I spent ten months on a ventilator and two more years with a tube in my neck. I recount the breathing process in http://thoughtfulveg.blogspot.com/2014/04/my-hole.html. This was all medical science.

I'm still "Semi-Vegetative." Vegetative is not conscious. My push now is, "Hey, my brain is back!" This is what others find frustrating. "Once gone, your brain is gone. Right?" (It's almost 15 years later now.)

I didn't have the Near Death Experience, probably because I had the brain injury. Later I figured a memory I had was while I was in a deep coma. Something is odd here. Everything I write right now is while I'm still unconscious? There's way too much unexplained here.

I say start with the girl in a coma who posted this. It's sounding more like a gradual return to consciousness. I bet this goes with neurogenesis. Of course though, if that doesn't exist, neither do I.

Friday, April 7, 2017

A Postulate


My computer doesn't think up these essays. I do. My computer is the tool used to convey my thought.

Here's another way of looking at the brain. It is just a tool conveying what the consciousness is going through. Brain cells perceive the environment and convey it in a way for conscious reaction. (I'm using the brain as a filter theory.) http://realitysandwich.com/173104/brain_filter_removing_stuffing_keyhole/

There are two things going on in the NDE: 1) the brain is unavailable, and 2) the experience.

Through brain injury, I separated the two. My heart stopped. Although I was on a respirator, my body was dead. There was no heartbeat or breathing on my own. Artificial breath is provided by a machine. My brain is unavailable.

I didn't have the traditional NDE experience. I did not see any tunnel or friends on the "other side." Later, I remember seeing a friend who is on THIS side. I just had surgery and was in a full coma.

I exhibit behavior of having an NDE, http://braininjuryknow.blogspot.com/2014/06/brain-injury-and-near-death-experience.html. It has been determined by others I had an NDE, http://spiritualscientific.com/DrMorseBlog/2010/11/09/angela-ronson-part-3-how-our-brain-is-connected-to-the-universe/.

Now I write this.

My brain is not thinking this up. If my brain is thinking this up, then there was either an error or brain cells regenerated. I go with that last one, "brain cells regenerated." It is also called neurogenesis.

According to records, and the personnel where I was (I wasn't typing yet. I was only talking.) This is all a hallucination. I am not getting better. This is the first scenario.

I don't believe the second occurred by a physician. There was no malice or incompetence. Initially, my outward appearance matched hospital records. I do state there was an error, but it was made later. It was not made by a person. ("The Center for Medicaid and Medicare Services (CMIS) took off my payee so I could pay bills. They left me vegetative. This is a big error. I appeared vegetative, but am of sound mind. This is Locked-In Syndrome. ") http://thoughtfulveg.blogspot.com/2017/03/a-case-for-misdiagnosis.html

I go with the third scenario, brain cells regenerated. Neurogenesis is a bonafide process. It just hasn't occurred on a large scale in a controlled setting, yet. This has not reached government practice, yet.





Monday, April 3, 2017

The Impending Paradigm Shift



For a "paradigm shift" in brain injury to happen, someone would have to be really bad-off. Then they would have to get really good. Both extremes have to occur.

In my case, there is the closest to death that you can get. A machine was breathing for me, and my heart stopped at one point. Talk about close to death! My body crossed that threshold, but modern medical science techniques didn't lose me.

Then there is a second extreme seen in me. There is incredible intelligence. I am the person writing this essay. So, my words, my concepts, my ideas, etc, are being put forth. None of this fits the current paradigm.

Further, I look into the concept of "paradigm shift." I find out about Thomas Kuhn. Normal and extraordinary science are occurring in me, one person. At times I will observe the extreme luck extending to others, but the majority is with me.


Macat is a critical thinking skills and higher learning program.

That above video does use the Ice Age in its explanation. Thomas Kuhn did not live during the Ice Age, and I have no connection to the current weather. My connection is to neuroscience and spirituality.

There has a been a quiet brain revolution going on in neuroscience, in the past ten years, one that will change everything we know about spirituality and the brain.  While the general public still is mired in the “skeptic vrs believer debate” most prominently promoted by Michael Shermer (http://www.michaelshermer.com/), most people are completely unaware that science has already embraced spirituality.  In my opinion, spirituality can no longer be understood unless practitioners and the general public are willing to understand the new spiritual neuroscience.  As physician Robert Lanza stated  (http://www.robertlanza.com/) in American Scientist in 2007, time, space, and this material reality are simply tools of the brain to allow our conscious self to interact with this reality.  He states that the current scientific evidence states that time “reboots” after our brains die (and we then get a new brain to begin a new life).   Obviously science and spirituality has moved far beyond the tired “skeptic v believer debate” that seems to still play out in the Wall Street Journal and the major television networks.