Thursday, January 26, 2012

That's Just The Way It Is

updated 7/26/2014

Angela 1 hour ago
coma for 7 yrs (actually it didn't feel like that cuz it was semi-coma for most, so I was awake)
Rapinymuzik 1 hour ago
u were awake, so it probably felt more than 7 years then....
Angela 52 minutes ago
It's become a way of life. That's just how it is now.

It's just become a way of life. I've gotten used to it. Nothing for me is the same as it was before the stroke. It just is the way it is now.

I was hospitalized 4 years, and I've now been in my own home (with medical equipment) for many years. It's been a while. In that time my kids have grown up and I have lived all over the state. That's just the way it is.

I'll start with my hospitalization. It started normal enough, but the insurance ran out. I then did what I call the "Medicaid Shuffle", I was moved from place to place, sometimes for only a month. I managed to stay at the last place the longest, a year and a half. It was a real hospital. The long-term unit closed, though. Those people went to nursing homes mostly. I went home which is unheard of. All that instability can be a cause of death. That doesn't stop it from happening. I got used to it because that's just the way it is.

My kids, that's a story in itself, I lost custody of them when this happened. The first year was bad for them. My boyfriend, father of the youngest, had them. The court gave custody to my sister the following year. She had them all this time. I finally got custody in time for the oldest to graduate and  move out. 

I live with that because that's just the way it is.

I'm still not conscious. That's becoming a joke...but that's the way it is. 

Friday, January 20, 2012

Not A Miracle (Updated 5-30-2016)


It was never determined why I talk. I saw an Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist for a different problem soon after I started making sounds. He went ahead and scoped me, stuck a camera down my nose all the way to my voicebox, to answer the Speech Therapist's questions. His answer, "There's no reason she shouldn't [talk]."

I finally figured it out. I read this again and it occurred to me. I don't know how many times I've read it before. The first sentence says it, "Doctors have their first proof that a man who was barely conscious for nearly 20 years regained speech and movement because his brain spontaneously rewired itself."

I "regained" speech and movement, too. Rather than "miracle", it is "rewired." A reason. That's all that I needed.


UPDATED  5-25-2013

There is only one problem with this explanation. There was no brain for all this to rewire to. Logical deduction would say brain cells regenerated...a.k.a.-neurogenesis. In all my research I can't find what will happen. My best guess is child development because that is the  neurogenesis we know.
(FYI, I was only vocalizing when scoped. I then switched to the government medical program. I had to teach myself how to talk. That was not provided. I still have a few minor details, but for the most part I am understood).

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I Meant To Do That

Isn't that the way it always happens? Or maybe the series of events were orchestrated to happen this way in the greater meaning of life. Either way, I had a catastrophic brain trauma. It decimated my brain. I shouldn't be here writing this, but I'm able to now.
I had a brain bleed that left me in a coma for over a month. When I came out, I could barely move, but what movement I did do was life-threatening. I was given a medication for that. The medication was Celexa. It's also called citalopram.
This medication belongs to a group known as SSRIs, or  Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors. I took it for an odd behavior. It's been shown to do something else. "Studies have suggested that SSRIs may promote the growth of new neural pathways or neurogenesis in rats."  (For specifics see

So here is an odd situation. I had a severe brain bleed. I'm almost dead. I'm given a medicine for suicidal behavior by doctors not knowing the same medication had been studied in rats causing brain growth. Now that's an experiment!
Now I've been doing all these wonderful things. It's being called a miracle. Is it really though? I have brain growth. I took a drug that causes brain growth. I don't see a miracle here, just a drug that needs to be hurried up and studied in people. C'mon, I meant to do that.

(This just happened, and is a fluke. Don't intentionally take this medication for brain growth. That's not the current purpose. Also, I believe something else should occur with it.)

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Free-Wheelin' Vegetable

I'm sicker than I let on.

How am I supposed to get proper care when it's not even acknowledged what's happened? Wake up medical people. There's this person who was almost completely dead, brain dead at one point, who has successfully healed from every issue. We're talking brain death. Recovered. PVS. Recovered. I'm not on a ventilator anymore. Breathing - recovered. A few years ago I looked at a PT referral. The doctor put as a diagnosis, RECOVERED QUADRIPLEGIA. I've never seen that as a diagnosis. (Technically, I would say that's the outcome. It is a result of previous interventions.) So medical people, what you did was right.

I'm PVS, though. It sticks. No one is supposed to get better. The government decided that a few years ago.  It said "Science, you can't progress. Once PVS is always PVS. There is no getting better." That's what removing Terri Schiavo's feeding tube meant. So in that aspect, I'm medically recovered, but not legally. (That opens legal loopholes for persons like me and that will have to be fixed.)
I guess I slipped through that crack too. The one that oppresses. The one that says you can't improve. Oh well I did and instead of fretting about that, let's fix the issues I now deal with.Let's start with "Won't get any better." I'm on the severe end, and it is VERY hard to get services. Those who are mildly affected get some, but have to fight for it. A while ago I talked about this"Won't get any better" will have to change. Obviously it does.

So I got better. It would seem so. Is that a fluke? Not really. I just was able to access some things that should be accessible services to all. Yes, then, I'm sicker than I let on. I must be if I recently ended up in the hospital. I think I'm not done yet. When I first moved out of the hospital, being PVS was great. A creditor would call (triggered  by the ss# I think), and I could say, "She is dead."

What next? I'm not sure. We'll see, but obviously I have "Free-Will". I'm able to express thoughts- "free wheelin' thoughts".

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Why Wait So Long?

 Tue, January 3, 2012 8:43:22 AM
RE: back home from the hospital

To:Angela Ronson <>

No feeding tube would be great.  I agree with you.  Why wait so long?  I guess again you are the only 1 out there that has made this type of progress. 

From: Angela Ronson []
Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2011 7:17 AM
Subject: Re: back home from the hospital

Why did they wait so long? If there wasn't any problems it'd be never? The speech therapist said this shoulda happened 6 yrs ago


I was hospitalized with an infection of my g-tube. Before I was discharged, I met with a speech therapist. I told him that I took some food and drink by mouth, but not enough for nutrition. His goal: increase that so I don't need a feeding tube.

No feeding tube = no infection.