Monday, May 23, 2016

Looks Can Be Deceiving

I was one of these It makes sense to me now.

I was very much aware of my surroundings but I don't look like I am. My youngest daughter is at home. She says I have "bitchface." I looked at my face in the mirror. I show no affect. There's no emotion whatsoever. Happy, sad, angry, or surprised, I don't show it. Here's more on Resting Bitchface Syndrome,

Treatment has been given due to looks. I look like a vegetable so I am placed with vegetative patients.

A music therapist describing me at a hospital... "They put Angela in a wheelchair right in front of me and told me I could start playing. While I played Angela said to me, " I used to play that song on piano." I was shocked that she was able to speak and carry on a conversation - even though she was a little hard to understand in the beginning,"

I describe another situation, "I was at a new hospital (there were many in my long stay). I was fed up by then with new staff having to learn my qualities. So I had a bit of an attitude.

I could hear a nurse outside my room in the hall.  She was talking and laughing with her friends. She came into my room and she changed. She spoke to me very slow and simple, like I couldn't understand. I was getting angry, and she continued. I was just getting angrier. Finally she finished. Lucky for her I'm a smart-ass. I said, "You must be special."

She stopped right there. "What?"

I have been starting to smile. Hopefully that makes a difference. My bitchface can fade away, then.

This came out recently,

How Some Patients in a Vegetative State Can Retain Awareness, Despite Appearing Unresponsive

Neuroscience News

When I first opened my eyes I understood that two hospitals were competing for me while I was in a coma. Why? Probably this, or, me showing consciousness. Something while my eyes were closed must have indicated to doctors that I would regain consciousness. Sorry guys, it took longer than there was funding.
Not only am I writing, but the concepts require serious depth. The issue of savant syndrome gets pulled into this. I finished high school when 16, as well as other early stuff. Savant syndrome might get muddied in this. It might be the answer. Technically, though, I am unconscious on paper. So only I ask those questions.

Since I am writing, there is absolutely no question about my consciousness. Why the government continues to question whether I am conscious or not is a good question. Are they worried something bad will happen?

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Great Shot of My Hands

Sometimes the unexpected shows up in a picture. I wasn't expecting to see this at all. This is initially why I was determined brain dead. I just had the posture and nothing else. Now in this picture, you see the posture, but I add something else. Not only do I add something. but it is the exact opposite. I add life.

Somebody once said to me, "Are you decerebrate?" I wanted to answer 'yes.' That's what this picture is minus the baby. If that picture was of just me laying in a hospital bed, most would say it's the end of life and time to pull the plug. "Are you decerebrate?" or "Are you brain dead?" It's a rhetorical question.

The photo above is impromptu. I didn't plan it at all. My daughter was caring for a friend's baby. He was fussy. I said hand him to me.

The baby got quiet and my daughter took a picture. I looked at it later. It was a great shot of my hands.

Look at my hands. My left hand (your right) is the one I use all the time. It is primarily closed. The palm and thumb are open, but the fingers still come down. My right hand (left side of photo) is no longer tightly fisted, but it is still in a fist.

I earlier had a picture showing the decebrate and decorticate positions. 

The terms mean no cerebrum or cortex of the brain. My hands are still bent. It is said I have no cerebrum or cortex to use. Umm... I am writing this. That picture above, at the top, was just taken and I still exhibit the posture. How am I functioning without most of my brain?

Sunday, May 8, 2016

My NDE(s)

Recently, I was reminded that I did not initially believe I had a Near Death Experience (NDE). I didn't see or hear anything.
When I got medical records, there it was in black and white. I had to be resuscitated.

Click to make bigger.

Further evidence can be seen in my body and behavior since I had a brain bleed. I exhibit many of the behaviors listed:
1. Death is joyous, safe, comfortable. a continuation, not to be feared.
2. Change in profession or job
3. Greater spiritual outlook on life
4. Increased risk taking
5.  Greater "zest for living". Life is for living, the "light" is for later.
6.  Greater appreciation of the daily struggles of ordinary life.
7.  Sense of meaning, even in the most mundane aspects of life.
8. Divorce is common.
9. Greater sensitivity to emotions, feelings, lessons of love.
10. Increased time spent with family, friends, social activities
11. Greater contributions to charity, volunteer service.
12. Decreased over the counter and illicit drug use.
13. More loving, caring for others.
14. More likely to be in a helping or service oriented profession.
15. Can be more resilient emotionally, take more emotional risks as transformation permits accelerated healing.
16. Become religious or spiritual leaders especially after Hellish experiences.
My NDE belongs with the other NDEs, but I had no recollection of one occurring. It does fit in there somewhere. I don't know how to get it recognized. I found the following video interesting. I can't confirm or deny any of it. It is not mine. 

I suppose my Near Death Experience would put me with the other miraculous healings in this video.

The first NDE had to have occurred while my eyes were closed. There could have been one or more. My eyes were closed for 5 weeks. I do have one recollection of seeing the pastor from my church. He was there at the hospital in the very beginning when the coma would have been full-on. My eyes were closed. I couldn't have seen him with my eyes.

Another "experience" happened later while I was still hospitalized,  Again, I did not see anything. Afterwards, I am filled with wonder and awe. I am not dead! Isn't anyone impressed by that? The people present weren't.

There may have been times in between those two. I wouldn't be surprised if it had been happening closer to when my eyes were closed. Memories are very few for me.

People seem to be more worried that I will sue them. That is not my intention. If I was going to sue, I would have done so already. Rather, I see this as a learning experience. Why did I wake up? What works better? (Obviously something is working if you can read this.) I've done traditional and non-traditional. I've done a medication for the eyes linked to restoring vision. My right eye is no longer blind. (That was luck.) Art Therapy - where's that? I took it as an elective in rehab. It was after hours. I once had Massage Therapy. Recreation Therapy is never mentioned and more places offer it now. There's just too much to list.

It hasn't been any one treatment or procedure to heal a brain injury. It's more like a positive attitude, a diligence for exercise, and something strange happened.

I contend there was more than one "experience." Records already show I was near death. If not, then, it could be said there has only been one experience lasting from 12/16/2002 until now. Everyone who reads this would have to have psychic powers, as I am in a coma. My lack of consciousness even affects this area.