Friday, March 17, 2017

Pinch Me and I'll Kick You

[I started updating an essay. Then I thought, "No, this stands alone... and kicks.]

My diagnosis is Semi-Vegetative (to my knowledge. I do know it was changed at least once.) My understanding is that Semi-Vegetative is under Persistent (or Permanent to some) Vegetative State, PVS. Recently, it has been referred to as Vegetative State. 

I still think my original diagnosis should have been Locked-In Syndrome with visual deficits. It's too late for tests now as I'm not locked-in anymore. I do display traits of being Locked-in, for example, typing with one finger.  Questions of consciousness should not be directed at me. LIS is conscious. My current state, Semi-Vegetative, and PVS are not conscious... yet I write this. That's an obvious error.

Now, I have been writing a while. Why hasn't my diagnosis changed yet?

To further bring question, why is my diagnosis changed?

Is this what happens to your loved one who is dying? You know they are dying. They should get _____ but they don't and they eventually die. You are too overcome with grief to fret about a lack of service. You get on with your own life.

I'm still at that diagnosis. I was dying and not given anything but the basic care. Now I'm not dying (anytime soon) and still get basic care. (That means no therapy or rehab.) This lack of service was my concern. I find out the lack is because I am not conscious.

Pinch me so I can kick you. Then tell me I'm not conscious.

(People seem to be more concerned over my conscious state than where I physically was and why I left.)


Since I am asking so many questions I will ask one more. What happened to the AVM, Arteriovenous Malformation, that was in my head? Why was an entire surgery, AVM removal and neural repair, omitted? Why? I want to know why. Am I not allowed to get better? Everything is pointing that way.

I do get better despite that. Now it's a miracle. 

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