Take Me Already

I will see things like this and I know what it feels like. I'm still alive. That's where there is trouble now. Oh well, deal with it. I don't feel like this anymore.

I had a brain bleed, an AVM stroke almost 16 years ago. It should have taken me out. There was just one stroke, but it did something unusual. The AVM didn't burst.
 

An AVM is a rare deformity of the blood vessels. In my case, an artery went directly into a vein, and my vein swelled up like a big balloon.
 

Today's medical procedures saved me.

I will let you fill in for yourself what religious reason this happened. There are too many now. I'm just looking at the science as to why it happened.

I'm sometimes treated like I have a superpower.
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 My bleed happened in December 2002, and what caused it wasn't removed until Summer 2004. That meant I could die every day for a year and a half. The place where I resided, incidentally also a hospital, did not recognize the successful removal of what would kill me performed at another hospital. They continued to treat me as if I would die at any minute.

A nurse there asked the doctor about me and he replied that I wouldn't live to 40. I saw 40 come and go.

I had been living in the present moment. There is no depression there. I had very little contact with people I knew. I was in a hospital a few hours away. I wasn't close by. That was okay for me. I knew depression lives in the past. I didn't need to live there, too. My mother came to visit often, and that is all I needed. My children were in school and in Southern California. I was in Northern California. I saw them on school breaks. The distance was too great. In them I saw the present moment. Growth has a way of doing that.

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There is no looking ahead to the future. There was no guarantee that I'd wake up. I didn't plan. There was no saving. The government plan doesn't let you save anyway. I just kept it simple.