My Set Up

My set up...

When I opened my eyes almost two months after a stroke, a machine was breathing for me. I did not breathe on my own.

I did not speak, either.

Like the man in that video above, I could only blink my left eye. "On 8 December 1995 at the age of 43, [Jean-Dominiqe] Bauby suffered a major stroke. When he woke up twenty days later, he found he was entirely speechless; he could only blink his left eyelid. Called locked-in syndrome, this is a condition wherein the mental faculties remain intact but most of the body is paralyzed. In Bauby's case, his mouth, arms, and legs were paralyzed, and he lost 27 kilograms (60 lb) in the first 20 weeks after his stroke,". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Dominique_Bauby

I'm alive at home and no one knows how. 1. I got off that machine. 2. I learned my medical care. 3. I became vocal, just a few words. 4. I convinced a doctor to let me die at home. I didn't die, though. I've been slowly getting better. (I had an experimental surgery at an independent hospital addressing my impending death.) _____________________ 

It's not possible that I have any genetic links to this person, Jean-Dominique Bauby. He is a few years younger than my father and died a few years before my stroke. I never knew of his case until years after my stroke. Genetic Memory can not be involved in this instance. What can be spooky, though, may be even spookier in my case. I am familiar with Carl Jung's principals. One I wanted to know more about is connected to psychic activity, the Collective Unconscious. This is the spooky term. Genetic memories may not have been passed down to me. Rather, I picked up on other people's memories and knowledge. I knew what to do because they knew what to do.
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It will be strange. I started with an NDE, Near Death Experience. NDEs have been associated with miracle healings, but these have been much quicker. I've been getting better for years. Near Death Experiences are strange. They are not explainable. People who have had them have been called mentally ill. The NDE cannot be proved. People who say they have had them are skeptically looked at. My NDE is a bit different. Medical records must be used to determine near and actual death. Also due to my type of injury, I have little to no recollection of that particular instance. My current behavior, or outcomes, will have to determine what happened. This makes the NDE referable. I have no idea how far this slow progression will go.

Don't compare me to a rose.

Don't compare me to a rose. Compare me to a dandelion that grows through the crack in a sidewalk.

I'll probably be compared to Terry Wallis, but I am a great deal smarter. http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/2006-07-03-brain-rewired_x.htm

Maybe I will be compared to Jon Sarkin, but with a worse brain injury (acquired savant syndrome). We both had strokes in the cerebellum of the brain. I don't paint, though. I write.

I like this video because he describes that he was bending over to get a golf tee. I was bending over to get garbage off the floor in my car. I had an accident earlier and the car would have to go in the shop.

I was very close to death. What this woman went through will have to be included.

*NOTE-

I did not have the vision, but was near death and had a miraculous recovery. http://thoughtfulveg.blogspot.com/2017/08/angela-ronson-part-3-how-our-brain-is.html

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"Far too often, [vegetative] patients ... are given up for gone, left to languish in nursing homes where no one bothers with physical therapy or even to check for glimmers of regained consciousness."It goes on, "That’s at odds with a growing body of research showing that many patients with no outward signs of awareness retain some degree of consciousness." http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2013/02/searching-for-consciousness/


I don't feel like I am "languishing". At times I will get angry and frustrated that growth is slow. That means I am still progressing. I obviously am. The first seven years went by before anyone heard from me,  Stroke Connection magazine p. 9.

__________________________

A rose didn't struggle to grow where it wasn't supposed to. 

The quote by E.V. has many pictures and is attributed to E.V. Thompson.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E._V._Thompson

Just Like So Many Times Before

I made a playlist. Tom Petty  recently died, and I was making a tribute to him.

The song I start with wasn't even his, but he sings in it during this particular performance. It fits the occasion. The song belongs to Bob Dylan, but I was always comparing the two. If I was asked who Tom Petty was, I'd say he was the Bob Dylan of the '80's. They both were popular. They both had a nasal quality to their vocals, and sometimes sounded like they were pushing the words out. They both did Rock.

I was listening to this particular video. Tom Petty is with Bob Dylan. The lines "like so many times before" and at "heaven's door" filled my head with memories.

 

I "coded" or flat-lined a lot after my stroke. I was in care almost 4 years. I'd say the word 'coded' because I felt it was related to my breathing, not my heart. I had a tracheostomy and was suctioned quite often to clear my airway. 
 

Now that I think about it, that was how that chicken died. The eyedropper used to suction Mike the Headless Chicken was lost. Mike couldn't breathe and died.

You can live without a brain, if you are suctioned.

"Like so many times before," I flat-lined, "coded", or died. Say it however you like.

Hey, they both played guitar and harmonica! (Dylan is still alive and influencing culture.)


Here's the list, 

Tom Petty Tribute 

Communicating With the Dead

Even if my diagnosis is not changed, I will not seek change through court order. Why? Think about this for a minute... Communicating with the dead is big business. That diagnosis has me as severely brain impaired. I was brain dead. People can now communicate with me. That's communicating with the brain dead.

If my diagnosis is changed, I was brain impaired by diagnosis. There's no changing that. 

I started working on my Near Death Experience (NDE) years ago. I've already made the necessary contacts.  You can't change that I was very near death. That diagnosis just leaves me there.

Very clear are these posts. A hallmark of the NDE is clear thinking. The NDE is a big area of research. "CONCLUSIONS: The mystical consciousness and higher mental activity during NDEs, when the brain is severely impaired, challenge current models of brain/mind interaction and may occasionally lead to more complete models for the understanding of consciousness."
http://www.scielo.br/scielo.php?pid=S0101-60832007000700015&script=sci_arttext&tlng=en
 
I don't have much to report during my initial stages of brain injury, but I have tons in the latter. This essay is in the latter. By reading this, you, the reader, are communicating with a severely brain impaired person.

A person who communicates with the dead:

It is odd, but I have a lot of those attributes now.

Changing my diagnosis won't make much difference to me. It does to researchers here in the medical field. I'm in a coma by current definition. The vegetative state was made a coma. I am vegetative. That means I am not conscious. I can't give consent to be studied. Services to the vegetative are drastically cut. Besides no therapy is no research.

I will go forward in NDE. The life-style isn't too shabby. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/psychiclifestyles/2015/10/08/near-death-experiences  I've already been talked about in a different on-line radio program. There will be more.

I know I'm mentioned in this at 7:16. My name is also at the beginning on the second page at a few seconds in:

 
I'm not looking out for me regarding this change. I'm already taken care of. No, I am looking out for the scientists, researchers, and survivors of brain injury. A researcher once commented on my selfless disposition. I believe that quality can be attributed to the NDE. It may be number 13 of http://braininjuryknow.blogspot.com/2014/06/brain-injury-and-near-death-experience.html  "13. More loving, caring for others." It may be because I am still brain impaired. Maybe I am gullible. Whatever the reason, people can communicate with a real live once brain dead person! Like I said, I may charge an entrance fee to my house.

What's So Special?

Why would a doctor do this? What happened? 

   Dr Melvin Morse

I had a stroke. I had a really bad stroke. It was so bad that most wouldn't survive. I'm not sure if anyone has survived the following description...

CLICK

On determining brain death, 3i of https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2772257/ reads, "Examination of the patient-absence of spontaneous movement, decerebrate or decorticate posturing, seizures, shivering, response to verbal stimuli, and response to noxious stimuli administered through a cranial nerve path way." (This is brain death and the same as my medical record.)

From that description, I am dead.

The word  'decerebrate' stands out to me. It's used in some circles as a term for brain-dead.

decerebrate

 [de-ser´ĕ-brāt]

1. to eliminate cerebral function by transection of the brainstem or ligation of the common carotid arteries and basilar artery at the center of the pons.

 
Now this gets funny to me. Do I appear to be dead? Um...I want a second opinion.

I was only mostly dead, though. I didn't have any miracle workers or magic pills. I did it all on my own.

Of the countless near death experiences, how many of them have actual medical reports purporting brain death? That's what's so special. I am brain dead. To make it even more amazing, you get what came with me before...high intelligence and memory. So a brain-dead person is writing to you. I am having a very hard time getting my diagnosis changed because 'no one comes back from death.'

I can't get a second opinion because the first one was written in permanent ink. All I can say to all of this is, "I was never all the way dead!"

UPDATED 5/17/2017

Different Disorder Same Strangeness

I was asked if my ordeal was like that. Yes, it has been very much like that.  I am so intrigued that I am writing about it. 

I didn't see anything. There were no lights or tunnels. I didn't have friends or family "on the other side."
 
I do remember seeing my pastor. He was praying for me.

There is absolutely no way I could have seen him visually! I was completely out. I just had the first brain surgery and by accounts, I was not stable.

Recovery for me has been odd. In the video, recovery for the woman was odd. Hers wasn't instant, but it was much faster than mine. This all started with the NDE. That's the big common factor. Hers also started with an NDE.

I'd have yet a different explanation for the biology. It's the same as what is going on here...and we have totally different disorders (or had. Mine is becoming less and less also.) "WHY" I can not say. 

The reason for getting better would be a release of the body's own natural adult stem cells. That would be the reason for most all miracle healings where there is a Near Death Experience (NDE). Release of adult stem cells may be tied to the NDE. This concept has yet to be explored.

 How many of the amazing healings

are due to the NDE releasing innate

adult stem cells?

Building a Mystery

I'm not bad off anymore, contrary to what some say. Yes, my voice is crappy, but I have a voice. Yes, I'm in a wheel chair, but a few years ago I stood up. I thought my aunt was going to have a heart attack right then and there. I stand up and sit back down all the time now because my butt does get uncomfortable. 

I was looking at a message. Right after it was a picture of a woman. 

I forgot Lee Woodruff messaged me. Most people would know her husband. He had a brain injury. He is not the same since. I have video of him that follows.

I checked my notices. The last two followers were the daughter of a famous doctor and a famous parapsychologist. This wouldn't be typical for most people. My situation isn't typical. I'll say to people should I call a lawyer or a priest?

Most focus on the wrongs. There have been wrongs and I am probably sitting on a good lawsuit. Look at the other side, though. Why am I here? I'm calling neither a lawyer or a priest. 

I'm calling a scientist. I want to figure out what is going on. There's nothing legal or mystical about that.

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I seem to be following the pattern of having an NDE (near death experience) followed by miracle healing. I remember arguing with the researcher who told me I had an NDE. I didn't remember any.  (Click for a better view.)

http://spiritualscientific.com/DrMorseBlog/2010/11/09/angela-ronson-part-3-how-our-brain-is-connected-to-the-universe/

Take a different point of view, though. You can't see things as me or any medical professional interacting with me. INTERACTING, that's the key word. I shouldn't be and I am. It puts me in the paranormal boat and now I have doctors, parapsychologists, and scientists looking at me.
 

The healing is very slow. It's slow enough to be studied. 

My NDE(s)

Recently, I was reminded that I did not initially believe I had a Near Death Experience (NDE). I didn't see or hear anything.

When I got medical records, there it was in black and white. I had to be resuscitated.

Click to make bigger.

Further evidence can be seen in my body and behavior since I had a brain bleed. I exhibit many of the behaviors listed:
http://braininjuryknow.blogspot.com/2014/06/brain-injury-and-near-death-experience.html

1. Death is joyous, safe, comfortable. a continuation, not to be feared.

2. Change in profession or job

3. Greater spiritual outlook on life

4. Increased risk taking

5.  Greater "zest for living". Life is for living, the "light" is for later.

6.  Greater appreciation of the daily struggles of ordinary life.

7.  Sense of meaning, even in the most mundane aspects of life.

8. Divorce is common.

9. Greater sensitivity to emotions, feelings, lessons of love.

10. Increased time spent with family, friends, social activities

11. Greater contributions to charity, volunteer service.

12. Decreased over the counter and illicit drug use.

13. More loving, caring for others.

14. More likely to be in a helping or service oriented profession.

15. Can be more resilient emotionally, take more emotional risks as transformation permits accelerated healing.

16. Become religious or spiritual leaders especially after Hellish experiences.

My NDE belongs with the other NDEs, but I had no recollection of one occurring. It does fit in there somewhere. I don't know how to get it recognized. I found the following video interesting. I can't confirm or deny any of it. It is not mine. 

 

I suppose my Near Death Experience would put me with the other miraculous healings in this video.

The first NDE had to have occurred while my eyes were closed. There could have been one or more. My eyes were closed for 5 weeks. I do have one recollection of seeing the pastor from my church. He was there at the hospital in the very beginning when the coma would have been full-on. My eyes were closed. I couldn't have seen him with my eyes.

Another "experience" happened later while I was still hospitalized, http://thoughtfulveg.blogspot.com/2013/04/when-dead-sing.html  Again, I did not see anything. Afterwards, I am filled with wonder and awe. I am not dead! Isn't anyone impressed by that? The people present weren't.

There may have been times in between those two. I wouldn't be surprised if it had been happening closer to when my eyes were closed. Memories are very few for me.

People seem to be more worried that I will sue them. That is not my intention. If I was going to sue, I would have done so already. Rather, I see this as a learning experience. Why did I wake up? What works better? (Obviously something is working if you can read this.) I've done traditional and non-traditional. I've done a medication for the eyes linked to restoring vision. My right eye is no longer blind. (That was luck.) Art Therapy - where's that? I took it as an elective in rehab. It was after hours. I once had Massage Therapy. Recreation Therapy is never mentioned and more places offer it now. There's just too much to list.

It hasn't been any one treatment or procedure to heal a brain injury. It's more like a positive attitude, a diligence for exercise, and something strange happened.

I contend there was more than one "experience." Records already show I was near death. If not, then, it could be said there has only been one experience lasting from 12/16/2002 until now. Everyone who reads this would have to have psychic powers, as I am in a coma. My lack of consciousness even affects this area.